Utopia Limited

The posts are back, they never left but took a place right on the rear of the stove - along with everything else - during these last few weeks when the termly Gilbert and Sullivan yacht dropped anchor and docked in the harbour... the harbour of my life... well that was going somewhere but ran ashore - I won't do that again... well hardly ever.

I will laugh at that last comment again and again and inform you as to its cleverness in due course.




We had a run of 6 performances (5 evening and the dreaded matinee for which an extra large dose of Auchetnoshan whisky was required to man up) and of course the turbulent rehearsal schedule in the weeks before.

Ever so briefly: there is a small island in the south Pacific called UTOPIA - hence the grass skirts and barechestedness. They have heard that the British Empire is the best thing since a 5-0 Ashes victory (see what I did there?) and have imported these 5 'Flowers of Progress': men from England (from the army, the navy, the courts, a county councilor and an economic imperator) to make their island as good as the UK. There are some villianous characters around who remind everyone that all these reforms to the land are not so good - if we abolish crime then the lawyers will starve, if we are too strong militarily then we can't ravage the local nations for a bit of biffo, etc. And then, and here is the coup de grace, they introduce government by party - one party will block the other's motions, the nation will be at a standstill and all will be made well. Curtain.

But in reality it is better than that.... oh yes.

I played CAPTAIN CORCORAN K.C.B - imported to Utopia to flaunt some naval supremecy. After I had gone through my first flask of an evening I would undoubtedly refer to this character as 'The Skipper' and try to speak in nautical analogies to pass the time - belay that, hoist the anchor, three sheets to the wind and so forth. I think that I thought myself a lot funnier and cleverer than I actually was.

Anyway, as some may have remembered, Captain Corcoran is the name of the captain in the HMS Pinafore, and to milk that success as much as he could, Gilbert reintroduces the Skipper in Utopia. I finish my little song with, 'I will never run a ship ashore', the penny begins to drop when the cast ask, 'What never?' and I say... you know what is coming, with 'No never!'. Just incase the gag hasn't caught on they respond with a pause... 'What nevvveeer?' And all the old switcheroo between operas is made complete when I admit, 'Well... hardly ever.' And they give me three cheers... and one cheer more.... as they bloody well should.

Some of the other characters who inhabited the lower dressing room: Left is Rachael who looked like Mrs Doyle from FATHER TED in that dress. I kept on offering her some whisky saying: 'Go on go on, it's got cocaine in it... no, not cocaine, what's the other one... oh yes, Raisins.' The two birds in the centre played the princesses who were prim and proper and all things English. The chap who looks like he will conduct the Sydney Philharmonic played the imported lawyer BAILLEY BARRE - whom I referred to as Baz throughout most of the performance.

The role of the skipper is a short one, an impact player if you will, and so to bolster my injection of antipodean mavericity I was given a small role on the side of a FIRST LIFE GUARD. Originnaly I thought this meant Zinc Cream, Speedos and strutting around looking manly, but alas it was just the third of these as in this sense the Life Guard is a soldier in the cavalry, like the ones outside Buckingham Palace who are not allowed to move.

There are some photos of this coming around - I requested another Boonie-an moustache, and got it by gum! I plan to build up a collection of amusing theatrical facial hair to remind me of times of yore when my face didn't freeze during the evening.